Today ???

I am just learning to feel my anger and sadness that I've always held inside.

To be 100 percent honest. When I was 18 I got pregnant. I had just graduation high school. I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT!! I took a life that didn't have a voice. That wasn't right .. it just wasn't. There is so many people desperately just wanting to hold a child in their arms to call them their own and for me to disregard it all.. I don't forgive myself.

And I don't forgive myself because I didn't want to suffer my mothers words. I didn't want what she had already called me being a slut and a whore (even before I ever had sex) .. I just didn't want to give her that right to say hmm.. who knew it? Me. I didn't want to give her that. But instead I gave up more.

I can't stand myself for that choice .. plus others decisions.. but that one is starting to stick out.

I'm just starting to feel. I don't like it either. I'm working thru the emotions and they just seem to put me back further then getting me thru. I don't like sad and anger. I can not stand it.






I just want to celebrate .. and yet I don't know how to. I want to be happy and just live life the way that a person should.






I get that there is struggles and arguments and disagreements.. I just want to learn to not let ED say that it was somehow someway my fault for it all. To see where people are just constantly blaming me and saying I'm wrong YOU SUCK. I just wished I could do something right already.