Not Again.. Not Tonight

There's a few things there. A couple I'll say..

1. It's hard enough to deal with myself and my kids but then to have a husband .. I didn't sign up for another kid. I had 3 .. I didn't have 4 but apparently I adopted one without knowing it. I guess that's marriage ?? Thought it was supposed to be two adults coming together. Whatever.

2. I can't sleep.

Tomorrow Brayden has a basketball game and I am supposed to go out with a friend to listen to a band. So now I'm going to look horrible because I won't be rested.

And I have mass in the earlier evening.

I don't like being a downer. I don't like being upset. I rather despise it!

Lately because I don't have the energy to put into it. It takes so much and right now all my energy is involved with so much more.

With ed right now.. all I feel is sad. I hate it every time that I have to do it but I have to do it. I've recently turned music on just so that I feel a bit more relaxed and not thinking of all that goes into it. How many ppl I am disappointing how there's no one but Ed. And that's not what I want. Just stuck..

Ed's also convinced me to cancel my appointments with Kimberly (my therapist). And I just follow. I don't want to go because I'm with Ed.. and the fact that I have that choice well I have it. Plus it just saves me money.. considering I'm not really changing lately there's no reason to go. I want to change but I just want the drama to end so that I can just be okay.

Do you see Ed talking.. I do.

Idk .. I'm all over the place lately. Another thing I despise.