Day Two

Well yesterday I managed to eat. Honestly I'm not happy about it. I feel like I ate too much.

What really bites is I weighed myself before I started the day. And I had lost weight. And like this happiness fills my body like yes I did it I'm on my way back to where I was I can do it. Then reality hit and it was like but you promised today you were going to eat. I had to keep my promise. So I ate. All day I felt like crap. I don't know if it was cause I was hungry or my stomach was hurting because it actually had food in it. I don't know if it was just cause I was stressing out because I was eating.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. Couldn't stop thinking about what I all ate, what I'm going to eat for tomorrow. Cause now it comes into the fact that when I see Kim on Friday and she's asks how things are going I want to be able to say well I slipped for awhile but I started back with eating and I'm at least doing it.

Like Tom and my friend were like Great Job. And it's like hmm.. I mean thank you but for me on the inside it's like ya.. great job right. Great job on losing everything you worked so hard to get to. And now what, ya keep going woohoo. Go ahead go get fat. You'll have to buy new clothes cause you won't fit into the ones you have now. And where you going to get the money for that.. ya funny.

I can't quite figure things out. Not sure if I ever will. Or it it's always going to be this do good for awhile and screw up for awhile to finally come back to doing good again.

Well Eds grip is tight. Always has been, but I have to make it thru the day and tomorrow and at least Friday. And I'm hoping that with those many days under that maybe I can keep pushing thru. Only time will tell.