My Stomach UCK!

So Ed's control with me.. I mean there's many points but his main objective is my stomach. Ya I know disgusting .. feel the same way!

And it's not just the stretch marks.. I mean that's from Brayden. Lordy that child!! I was 8 months pregnant and everyone just thought I had put on weight didn't know I was pregnant. And seriously one day I woke up and couldn't see my feet anymore.. the little crapper turned in my stomach and everything was far out. Thanks Brayd:)

Anyways.. Ed has the control on my stomach. Big control .. that's all I see! I mean right now I actually HATE how my knees feel when they touch.. it hurts! And then my arms are getting too skinny for me I can feel my bones and I hate hate hate it! I don't want to feel my bones but at that same moment.. I don't want to gain all that weight.

So my stomach controls a lot of my day and why I'm not sure.. how to get by it .. I don't know yet. I'm lost! I've been lost!


That is just too much for me! That I hate. I can't stand it.. can't can't!!! And that's without me sucking in cause:) Usually I try. I managed that very well growing up .. always sucking in. Even when I sat. Well unfortunately my children ya you haven't helped lol. Not obviously funny .. but that's how I protect myself. Love to laugh! I want to laugh tho because I want to be happy.. actually happy!

I know I can't ALWAYS be happy but I want to enjoy just the little things. I don't want much I don't think asking for happiness is much I just want to smile without a tear hiding behind waiting to come out.

So today I went to lunch with a friend. Lunch .. ya hah:) and it went Great! It was nice to talk with someone. And I don't think anyone understands that I'm not hiding anything anymore. It's hard to say somethings but you ask and I'll be sure to tell. Just might be hard to figure the right way to say it or to help understand it.

Anyways.. I might have posted this somewhere on my other blog but I ran a crossed it and I just have to post it again..or maybe just now I don't know.


This to me is my journey. You can't see far ahead .. but your walking next to beauty. God's beauty.. not knowing what holds that next step but in that moment it's .. there's no word for it.. it just is!! Something wonderful that you have to just keep your head up and continue to cry but wipe those tears knowing that something behind that fog can be something so wonderful:)