Sleeping..

It's honestly a beautiful thing .. if you have it I envy you. I know you shouldn't envy someone but someone that can sleep I can't help but envy you.

Last night I wanted Tom to go to sleep so bad that I could just be alone so it was late going to bed and then this morning.. okay here this was my convo when I woke up

Ed: You should just get up get on the computer and listening to music it’s the only time that you’ll be alone for the day being ALONE..
Me: Ya but I’m still tired and the pillow feels so comfy
Ed: Well last chance your already kind of waking up you probably won’t be able to go back to sleep
Me: Ug I need to take my Thyroid med
Ed: See just get up your knees are hurting anyways and by the time you get the med in you’ll be awake so just get on and listen to music
Me: ok

So here I am.

And days like this are really hard because Ed has just a way of saying things that I don't even realize until it's too late. And I just go with the flow too..

You know when someone is hugging you and your trying to squirm outta the hug.. that's me an Ed right now. But at the sametime feeling like I should just hug him back because that's what your supposed to do. And also because I've been in his grip for such a lot time .. that stepping out of my comfort zone is killing me. Either way I guess both are killing me.

It's hard too because it's like oh I'm not that bad! I want to feel like I have some type of control over this when I actually have none. And it's like when I hear others stories it's like see your still okay .. your fine. Just keep trucking thru with me (ed).

And also lately it's just causing me a lot of problems fighting with Ed. I'm forgetting things .. which also could be due to my Ed .. but I feel it's because I'm so concentrated on fighting that I can't deal with the rest of my life. For christsakes Brayden missed his practice on Friday because I totally forgot that it was Friday. Not the practice but the day. I had my t appt. and then it was just overwhelming trying to get housework done and Kyler had a playdate. I knew something was supposed to be at 5 but it was too late.. we went to the pumpkin patch and it wasn't until 5:30 that I got the info about the practice (which I already had it but they reminded me) So I feel like a horrible mother because I can't keep up from down and when I wasn't fighting I had everything under 'control'.

So on a bit of a different note.. the girls and even guys well guy that I've met thru EDA are insane!!!:) I love them so much. I have my 3 girls that at anytime I know I could just go to without a second thought. They have really impacted me in such a way that you would never could never understand! And the thing is that I haven't ever met them in person .. ya we skype but that's the most. I do believe one day we'll meet and it'll be awkward and uncomfortable but at the sametime I know I'll be so excited and happy to finally to just see them there acrossed or next to me whatever it is. Its weird to me haha.. but ya God gave me these girls and I know that they will be there for the rest of my life .. as I will be for them. And I am ever so grateful for that!