5:36 a.m.
BOOM.. I shot up. Lights on I figure dad had just dropped a box .. box of something..
Lay back down, Bobby yells Fire. FIRE. I'm scared and wanting to just run. I'm wearing just a pj shirt and underwear. I run out in the garage and the hole garage door is down. Sheetrock (which at that time didn't really know the name of it) was all on the floor. I'm looking everywhere and feeling lost. I go further outside to my dog in his cage and he's crying and I tell him it's okay we're okay your fine. Then all the sudden I get the feeling.. There's someone in the house there's someone to kill us. He's in the stairwall to the downstairs..
Instantly I come in the garage start walking up the stairs but then there's Bobby.. and it was like a peace came over me.. until.. He said Mom, and I looked down and there was blood drops. His hands, he flipped them over and they were cut open.. wide open and I felt helpless. I couldn't do anything. I just had to stand there .. wondering .. not knowing. Then he got his hands wrapped in our white dishclothes by mom so that we could go into the hospital.
Driving in.. omg.. it was just mom, bobby and me. I was in the backseat in the middle trying not to cry. Wondering what the hell just happened. Bobby started to say about how bad it hurt, Mom was saying it would be okay.
We pull up to the hospital and Denice and Mark (who I babysat for the children) lived across the street. My mom says to run there to tell them to call the fire department. Okay ,.. so I also had on socks and when I ran up on their porch I slipped and fell. And I instantly had to laugh. Like someone was watching and it was like oh haha I'm good:) I meant to do that type of thing.
I remember walking into the house .. I remember Mark calling the department and saying oh okay so they are already called. And right then the whistle went off. I hated that moment. It was like it's my house and my dad is there and I don't know what's going on!!!!
I don't remember for about 30 mintues or an hr maybe then. I don't remember walking outta Denice and Marks house. I do remember sitting down on the couch and just wanting to cry but trying so hard not to. The next thing was my mom saying to go to the store to get pants and a shirt and bra so that I could go to school.
I hated school that day. I mean we live in a small community so at school they had this whole poster with Bobbys name and everyone signed it. I remember signing it. I could tell you exactly where I signed it. Right under the B on the left side of his name. I HATED SCHOOL THAT DAY!!!
To go back a bit. I first showed up and Denise and Danielles house that morning.. around 7:30 a.m. told Carol that hey that fire whistle .. that was for my house. And getting questions of what happened and I was like I don't know my dad is out there still and Bobby is in at the hospital. !??! I walked up the hill like always.. wondering about Bobby.. feeling like some way some reason he was gone. Luckily I didn't lose him. But in a way I have now.
Anyways. That day was hard. And after that. We lived in a hotel room for a month. Bobby and I in one room and my parents acroosed. I love it. It was nice to have him there. He was like my pretector. He'd screw around with the remolts and turn off the tv with our controller. Just made me laugh and feel 'normal'.
Then we moved into the trailor.. and my room was right next to the furnice.. ummm.. fuck no! Not going to sleep there.. so I slept on the pull out couch. And I remember watching Shaq play that year with Bobby. I never did like Michale Jordan.. I dont' know if that's something Bobby might have said that I took and ran or if that was my own personal thought but I do know he liked the Shaq and that was it it was set in stone. Always will forever love Shaq.
The year after our house got rebuilt, that day .. a year from (Oct 27) I believe anyways.. I couldn't stay there. I went and stayed with a friend. And even that night I stayed up all night long for the most part. I remember thinking that I would lose everyone.. that no one should have stayed there that night. Nothing happened tho..
That night and day took a lot from me. I felt proud to have survived but also hurt that now I have to deal with crap. Crap that a child shouldn't of had to deal with.. questions hearing of arguements feeling like today .. now your going to die. Up to that point I hadn't ever thought about dying. At least not really.. that day was an impact, and something I haven't gotten over.. Obiviously!
So to finish the story.
My brother physically turned out well. Thank God. Him and I now tho.. it's weird. awkward. He was like the stone that stood next to me. The one that I felt would always have me if I was falling would push me back up. Now he questions me .. maybe he should I don't know. I just know the times he made me smile. The times that it was him and me against it all and just the two of us. I am mad at him .. no I'm not mad I'm hurt but mad is easier..right?! And I don't .. I can't tell him that I am. So hard and nothing will change that. I miss him but I also feel he needs to reach out to me if that's what he wants. I miss so much of him.. him laughing playing with my kids.. being an ass and just laughing. He was my happiness growing up and I miss that. I dont know. !?!??! I'm lost right now.
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