So I get that there's this NO RIGHT WAY TO FIGHT ED.. I get that. But it's just not Ed. It's my life and how I'm living it.
It's that I try and stick up for my kids and then when I probably should have I don't because I got told how fucked up I did it in the first place.
For anyone that truly knows me, I am an athlete .. or haha I was. :) But I knew you never leave anyone behind. But Braydens baseball coach pissed me off. 1. Is because we have to pay for him to go out for sports, in which the City says that everyone is to get equal playing. 2. A.. biased here but he's one if not the best player on the team. So why is the coach keep having him sit out. I didn't realize it but the same 4 kids were sitting out.
Oh but I just went up and said that I needed to grab Brayden. And when they asked why I just said well we need to go. I was trying to make it seem like we had to be somewhere by that time. But once the coach gave me this dirty look and shook his head and walked off.. nope that's when I go off. And what's funny is I thought I was going off, but Brayden said oh I couldn't even tell you were upset. So in which that makes me believe that I handled myself correctly.
Only problem, it's not my life. It was Braydens. And now .. I mean I hate myself for it. I'm pissed at myself for it. I was trying to stand up for him and I did do it wrong. I know that. I should have just shut up and nothing.
Then two days later, at another game (in which one mother thanked me for saying something because her kid was one of the 4 sitting out and then now he was playing hah). But this guy comes up yelling at my husband because his kid only batted once. It was just like this huge weird thing. And when the guy was upset .. I really didn't care I just kinda laughed because it wasn't me this time haha. But as soon as he turned to Tom and gave him words .. oh yep now you got me. Which I did conduct myself very well this time. I just said you are not going to talk to my husband like that.. we have nothing to do with the coach just helping with the books. THATS IT
Well, then what.. I was in trouble by my husband because 'he can handle himself'. Nice.. thanks. Whatever I guess.
But yesterday at the grocery store and .. okay.. I play my trips to stores usually because I don't like a lot of ppl so I know when to go and when to try and stay away. But 9 in the morning is usually a good time to go. Not yesterday.. It was packed and I don't like ppl .. too many anyways it makes me go just insane. So instead of having Zae (my 4 yr old) walk next to me, like I usually do because I tell him your 4 now you can walk. And there's no possible way of me getting him in the cart I can hardly pick him up to then even say to put him in .. I don't have the strength.
Well, he's going from the front of the cart to when we'd stop to the back by me. Not in anyone's way. Him and I are joking back in forth we're smiling just making the best outta it. (wished I had a diagram for this but I don't.) This lady who had I would said around a 2 yr old has to say out loud but not look at me directly how BAD BOY I have. All I could think is WTF are we doing to you for you to have an opinion of anything.
The part that pisses me off the most is that he heard it. So when we got home he was sad. I tried my best to tell him she doesn't matter all that matters is what mommy thinks and mommy thought you were good. The whole time this child is looking down sadly at the floor. I finally had to say look at me. Mommy thought you were good, we had fun and we laughed.. that's all that matters. That other person she doesn't matter.
And if you don't like that he's on the front of the cart and your trying to teach your child something.. by all means do, but you don't do it at some else cost. Specially considering he wasn't do anything that needed to be drawn out. There's a difference.. or at least in my opinion. I guess you'd rather have him running around the cart in your way and blah blah. I could criticize you for being rude and standing in front of the milk for 5 minutes while everyone was waiting.
But I didn't say anything to her. And I wished I would have. Specially after my son waved to her kid. That's how I've told my kids, if your going to stare then you better wave and say hi. I should have stuck up for him more and I failed.
I guess that shouldn't be surprising.
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