Well so Monday came around and I decided to give it a shot again. I felt like crap all day. I couldn't figure out if I was hungry or just sick. And so I would want to eat but then was afraid if I didn't stay with my meal plan that they I would automatically go purge. But I made it thru it. I ate my 3 meals and 3 snacks and was ready to sleep.
Only probably .. couldn't sleep. AT ALL! It was such a long night just to lay there trying to get comfortable to just not being to relax.
Yesterday wasn't so bad. I was pretty much okay up until around snack time. I wanted to have my snack earlier but then I pushed it off because I didn't know how dinner would turn out or for that fact what we were going to have so then I was worried about it. I had something for din on my meal plan but the more I thought of it I thought just yuck. But I ended up mixing things together and it didn't turn out bad at all. Some chopped up ham with some soup mix and just noodles. No more then a 1/2 c. Made sure for that one. And even then I wouldn't eat it all. But then shortly after that I wanted to eat.. but I still had 2 yrs until snack. And then I just go into panic mode. Because before I could eat and it wouldn't matter if i threw it all up. I still felt full and now I'm eating and I'm still hungry. Well what I ended up doing is finding something else to eat to purge it all. And then I didn't feel like I had just ate all day Tuesday and Monday.
So then the guilt fills in. That I failed .. once again!
For that I decided to have my snack that I was originally going to have.
I think next time when I get that way I am going to try something that I know I don't feel like is too much and that I could stand to have. Maybe end up with 2 smaller snacks then the just one snack. Like splitting up my one snack into two.
Well, as for now, It's breakfast time for me. So here we go again=)
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