OMGOD I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!

Okay so, to start with the down low. I first just wanting to come on to just say where I was at. And then I wanted to listen to music because it calms me. It makes me breathe and relax, when other times I would explode. Come to find out.. and I don't even know how because I haven't been on my computer in the past couple days, that my play list is just Gone. Just gone. Not only am I pissed off at the way the day went.. in that one moment when I needed something. The songs I wanted to listen to .. the one thing that would calm and make me tired.. instead I'm pissed and ready to go and it's umm. 12:14 a.m. I have a whole day before me tomorrow and now all I want to do is stay away. Which in turns hurts me and creates a bad moment. And to help things.. 1 --- WHY DO PPL KEEP CHANGING THINGS????? This frickin blogger was just fine. IT was easy to go thru and now you change it and it took me like 5 minutes to figure out how to get to this page. Which really.. after I'm already heating.. NOT A GOOD THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you get that!?!?!??!?!? Fuckers! 2... I ask Tom to help me. Which he's was sleeping, but yet he does the same ol thing... I'm up .. ya I'll help .. only to keep is happy frickin ASS in bed! Fucker! Just pisses me off!!!! Can you tell?!:) I'm just tired!!! I really am. I just .. I can't feel like I keep being there for ppl that really don't give a flapping ass about me. It's like whatever, but hey I'll take you up and blah blah. I get to be told all the time how I shouldn't of reacted this way or that way. And there are definitely times that I wished I wouldn't of acted the way I did. The problem is .. no one gets me. No one says, ya I understand. Instead it's like ya but.. BUT. BUT can't you just ONCE .. just ONCE say I have you. I got you! I'm just going to laugh or smile because I might not have done the same thing but it's .. it just is. Now what are you thinking of doing or not doing?! I don't always need ppl to sit there and tell me What I should or should not do. Sometimes I just bitch to bitch. If you don't like it .. well then tell me and I'll make sure I don't. Otherwise I need that outlet so I don't act like a frickin fool!! But if I talk with you then please.. just please don't.. stop .. I don't need it. I don't know how to .. Guess the way that others might see me is I just suck.. so I don't know how to. One thing that gets me most, is my anger, it really isn't anger. It's hurt and sadness .. You all know that I have cats, and I think of myself sometimes of having their eyes. That drappy look. Or at least thats what I call it. But the look of just is if I'm wrong again? Me tho, I have this fight in me. I'd like to believe it's because I'm Irish:) But how that comes into play.. IDK hehe. But I won't back down. I will go .. with everything I have. And I don't seem to EVER do it right. I am always wrong. I just think tho that I am defending myself in someway or another. I'm fighting for me. Or I'm fighting for my family. Tom has pissed me off. The ones that know what I had to go thru back in Nov. And even more when I stick up for him, and then for him to be upset because he's 'Man' and can stick up for himself. WELL.. DO IT. But I for one will not be associated with someone who allows them to be treated that way. IDK.. ?!?! But I just don't like that association. It's like it's all happening again. And apparently I am just being a whinny bitch. So .. what .. what can I say .. these are my feelings and I get to own them. Feel what you want. It probably would affect me if you told me but I will stand by that these ARE my feelings. I get to own that.