It's what I think I need right now. Might not be right. The only thing I know is that before I had started this journey I managed my life. And since then all I can do is think constantly of food and what intake I have.
The worst part of this journey for me was dealing with my pain. Mainly because others were just saying like 'suck it up' 'it happens to a lot of ppl 'get over it'. Well, I can't get over it at this point. It hurts and then anger comes out of me and I don't like that anymore. I don't like being angry. I want to laugh again.
It's stupid that with Ed I was laughing but I was. Things were just better then and I want that again. I'm tired of the fight. I'm tired of being tired...
I wished for something more. But hey I guess if there's one apparent thing I'm good for is failure. hah.
I think I'll come back and try again. It's just right now I need to walk away. (Only from my fight .. just so we understand things) The ppl that I meet I love to death! But I just need to get my energy again. I need to get that passion again.
So I've stopped taking my thyroid meds, cuz before I honestly felt better. (which is weird) And I am stopping seeing my t and doctor. One mainly because of money. I can't continue to take away money when it needs to go to other places for my family. I just can't do that anymore right now. My doctor .. well I'm starting to think she's a fruit cake hah. And the doctor that my t wanted me to see lives clear across town which is like an hour there hour back. Plus to go to someone new right now.. just not ready to say oh I do this and then smile because I'm uncomfortable saying it. Feeling like an ass.
Well, I'll still blog every once in awhile. Mainly because it might still help. Hopefully I can get to the end result that I truly want. Til then.
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