So I came across this conversation.. whether or not it helps ME . who knows.. But just thought I would just share my thoughts on it.
I'M NOT THAT BAD:
Sure .. I mean what the hell it's been 18 yrs for me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around it that in some way some how that I'm actually THAT BAD.
But then I sit back. I look. .... .... Is this really what I wanted?!? This is really what I wanted to have for the rest of my life. To sit there without anything and then to eat waiting until 2 or 3ish in the afternoon to then purger to then wait until after dinner to then again purge. I'm amazed at the way my body has lasted.
And yet it's ALL IN MY HEAD. Ya .. it is in my head.. Unfortunately it is in my Head. I can't do anything about that. I really can't. Because time after time you prove me wrong. Everyone proves me wrong. Anytime that I try to see the person that I 'want' or 'who I think I am' someone always is right there to just push my face right in the dirt. And so how do you argue that?!?!?
Okay go for it.. I can see it.. pity pity pity for me. Yep got it. Say how I just need to suck it up .. say how it really wasn't that bad.. say how you did everything for me.. SAY IT!! GOT IT!!! ALWAYS MY FUCKING FAULT!! GOT IT! Okay .. Got it!
Just waiting for the day..
thoughts r thoughts.. you don't need to show how you feel to know how bad you actually feel.
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