Set in Stone

So Today I've already decided I'm giving in ALL day. And it's only 10 a.m.

Now for some it's like it's only 10 in the morning.. it's just the start of the day you can change it. I could. Problem is I don't want to. =/ I allow way too many things bother me that once my mind is set because of those problems it's set in stone. And that's the thing that I probably have to change. The Set in Stone.

I get this idea in my head and I can't get it out until it's done and said. And like distractions.. I have plenty of them but I just can't seem to get myself to have the energy to get to them. Their in my reach but I'm just not putting my hand out to grab.

The last two days I do good during the day, right up until dinner and then I panic right after dinner, it's just like all I can think is look at all you've eaten and YOUR STILL HUNGRY!?!?!? :0

How is it that when I used to eat and the purged I actually felt full. I didn't feel hungry. It makes no sense. Now I'm eating and I feel like I'm starving all the time. I stick to my meal plan fairly well. It's about every 2 to 2 1/2 hrs that I'll have at least something to eat.

I know my therapist will be disappointed for today and I'm sure I'm going to get asked why.. in which I really don't have an answer. It's just a because I did.. because I wanted to. WHY? I don't know. I am frustrated and this is my out. This is my release. I guess that's an answer. But I know she'll be a bit happy about Monday being good and that Tuesday and Wednesday that I at least have 2 meals and 3 snacks.. she'll be at least okay with that. But I still know she'll be asking about today.

What sucks the most, or what irritates me.. well there's a lot, but one thing I'm going to talk about:) Is that I made my lunch for today and I was proud of myself yesterday for getting it ready, just now hoping that tomorrow it'll still be good. I would imagine, but you never know with the crap that I've been buying. I'm used to just eating whatever because then I would just get 'rid' of it. Now I'm trying to buy things that will not let Ed get much say on it. For the most part I do okay, but obviously now good enough.

Well, today I bit the dust. Tomorrow is a new day.. *fingers crossed*