Close my Eyes

I swear everyone gets on my nerves when I can't sleep.

So this morning Tom .. I mean I heard he walk into the bathroom and get ready .. it's not like he's That loud but he's definitely not quite. Even when he wakes he like stomps around.

Lately then Zaelur wakes up and he's screaming and everything and it's just like SHUT UP. I'm so tired and usually around the time Tom leaves is when I actually sleep my best. But that's not happening. Obviously..

The problem with this is Ed. I know I shouldn't just give excuses on why he gets to continue in my life. That I could be very strong to be able to let go. It just seems when I'm really tired .. which is like every day now.. but I just grasp onto Ed.


I also know that I'm continuing with Ed until I know what my fate is next week. I'm scared and sad and frustrated, Ed is my comfort right now.


Now, Do I know that's not logically thinking?! I know it's not. That maybe if I would just get healthy then I wouldn't want or depend on Ed.. that I would see myself for the worth that I am.

Some Day *fingers crossed*

I will look back and be happy that I took that leap. It just doesn't feel possible at this moment. Hopefully that day will come sooner then later. Hopefully.