I am ME:)

Okay here we .. you ready:)


I love me.. not enough to not hurt myself. Mainly because I want everyone else to love me too.


That makes me sad to say. I really don't believe that I've done that much to have hurt people so much. And if you tell me that I have.. I try my best to own it. I believe in owning your mistakes. Might not have intended them but own it because that's the only way that you and whoever or what can move threw it.


Either way.. I like to be alone. I know Ed likes me to be alone, but I like to be alone because then I get to smile. I think I'm just a lot more then what others think I am. That's why I like to be alone. Being in my seclusion I just smile. Like right now.


I just smile. I listen to music and I feel so alive. Perfect to be honest.


My thoughts of being perfect isn't something out of a magazine. I look at ppl and say they are beautiful. And honestly there are definitely times that I bless myself that God created me the way he had.. appearance wise.. that I don't look that way on the outside. (I know that's vain but I'm being honest). And with that also being said. I've started to see they are more beautiful then I ever could be.


You look at the children with a medical problem whatever it is and they are gorgeous.


I remember when I was about 12 ?? close or to around that. We could go to prom and one sister had asked her brother to go to prom that year because that year he had gotten diagnosed with cancer .. and you never know. So he went thru chemo, lost all his hair at that time. And two A-holes made fun of him.. he was around the age of 10 and I think that's when I started looking at others pain and seeing that they deserve so much more. That is me.. I feel and hurt .. I want to make them not feel how much I hurt.


I just want to be comfortable not only in my skin but in my mind. I want and desperately need to have others at least understand that they might not understand but that's okay. NO wait.. that's not okay. If you don't understand .. turn around and walk. LEAVE ME ALONE .. LET ME LIVE .. I want to be happy. I I I I I .. I need to be happy. At least a bit. I need to feel that I can smile.


When I look into the mirror.. you know some of you might see this or that. I see my lips. I like my lips that's not what I'm getting at.. I see the wrinkle alone side them. The one that you see that frowns. And I look and think .. wow.. this is how said I've been. And I keep looking in the mirror .. telling myself cheese. Cause I want to fix those wrinkles. I don't want to look at see how sad I've been I want to be happy. Specially now.


That's where it comes in that I am me. I have a tummy.. with stretch marks thanks to Brayd:) I have thick thighs, .. weird long legs, but the one thing I won't allow anyone to say is I have these beautiful Great Eyes that I make sure when you are talking to me I look at you .. because when I do you get to see into me.