Forgiveness

It doesn't mean if you forgive someone for what they have done or not. Doesn't mean things were okay.

I'm having a hard time with forgiveness. I don't know how to accept things that have happened and are done and said. I can't let go because I feel like I didn't deserve what I was handed .. there was no reason that I should have been treated that way and I don't know how to just accept that it happened and move forward.


What is says is "I refuse to be locked in a prison where the bars are made of bitterness and hatred for the rest of my life."

My life is around bars. I am bitter. I am sad. I'm hurt. I feel like I need to treat those who hurt me just as badly as they did to me. They need to feel this. They need to understand what they did to me. For instance my husband. He needs to realize what he did to me. How he wrote on my slate and helped to create what I am. I don't think he gets it and I don't know if he'll ever 'get it'.


"If you allow it it changes you as a person, a woman, a wife, a mother."

And that is has.. it has changed me .. I've became a person that I don't know if I like so much. People have done things to me that I don't get why they would. What I caused for them to treat me the way they did. But they did. And all I can think is that some way .. one way or another.. I deserved it. Just trying to figure out what it was that I did to deserve it tho..


Things have changed me. I did become a spiteful person. As a wife, I really don't like my relationship. As a mother.. I would hate me if I was a child. I hate thinking that my children should hate me because of who I've became.




It's hard to forgive when someone continues to smash your foot while trying to forgive them.


Make peace with who you are.

That's probaly the hardest statement. Make peace with me? When everyone and anyone has told me that I'm not good enough. To except me.. that's hard. Harder then most would know.

Find peace within yourself. Cause you can't give away what you don't have.

If you haven't forgiven people and yourself for letting it happen then you don't have anything to give.

I don't necessarily agree with that. I give a lot more then what I have. I believe almost in treating others better then myself. Others deserve it more. I don't. :(

Why do I .. Me I.. have to accept that someone else treatment me like shit?? Why??? I don't think that's right nor fair .. nothing! I can't agree with it! Just can't!

Do for others.

Seeing the pain of others.
I try. I don't know a lot of these people and I just want them to walk away from that moment and say she doesn't even know me and she cares. I try.

And it's not that I want anything from them. Well no I do. I want them to say this person who I don't know.. that I probably won't see again .. and when I come across someone that I can just impact them a little.. I will. That's what I want.

I am very upset that people are so rude now.

Standing in line at the grocery store if someone behinds you have less allow them to go before you.

If someone sneezes say God Bless You.

If you need to go in front of someone say excuse me.

Teach your children to be thoughtful and kind to the rest of the humans around us. Regardless if they are like homeless or thieves or murders.. teach them that they were a man of God that he created so you are supposed to be compassionate. Understanding. Forgiving.

I'm just so tired of the anger that exists.

I understand that it will be there.. that people don't know how to address their emotions. I just can't understand the rude when someone hasn't brought it amongst themselves. Idk. I just know I can't stand it.

So to speak of Forgiveness. I haven't. I have no forgave so many people in my life. Which right now working through that is hard! Forgiveness sounds so easy.. It's not. If it is.. then you are not forgiving them.

I haven't deserved my plate.

I always think of the saying Dr. Phil says.. it's not why you are this way but why you wouldn't be. That is me.