Friends

So I do feel ashamed that I 'gave up'. I haven't given up completely but I just need a break. One friend wrote me this quote:

The semi-colon ( ; ) has a beautiful meaning behind it. It is used when a person could've ended a sentence and decided to continue it instead. Make sure, in your recovery you pick up the torch again. Don't give up.


That gave me hope for some reason. It was like I have someone that understands that I fucked up .. am fucking up but that there's still that chance for the life that I dream of.

It might not make sense to everyone, but it means A LOT  to me! I just need this moment. I felt like I was slowly taking it and well ya. Now I just Need it .. for me. Like I said it might like make sense to others.

I'm surprised at how much Tom is actually supporting it. Like not cheering about it:) haha.. but just is like if this is what you need then take it and we'll move forward. That really meant a lot.

And I hate that others are concerned or upset with my decision. Like I said before I'm a failure.. and no offense to any of you (REALLY!) I feel horrible. I feel like I'm a let down. That I can't get anything right. I can't do anything..  I SUCK! What can I say?!

But I like that Sarah sent me that quote. Because I haven't completely 'GIVEN UP'. I am just taking a break. I just need my moment. It's been exhausting with emotions and then family that I just need a moment.

Now, can I say when I'll start again to fight.. I have no idea. But I know that this isn't what I want for my life or my children. That much I know. So in due time my choices will be told.. until then I'm just living.