Sprial

This is how it always starts for me.

So I start with this One trigger.. maybe more Idk for sure on that. But it definitely starts with one thing that then it gives me the excuse to say that I give up.. essentially. I wanted to start a whole new again this past Thursday.. that didn't happen. Now it's Sunday and I'm still going to give into Ed.

Now for some reason Mondays are usually easier to go into it with. I don't know if it's because I think of Mondays as a new week and new beginning or what. But I can start off on Mondays really well. Only problem is getting thru today and being okay with getting thru today.

Well, anyways. I kinda liked last week with eating and doing good. It kinda creeps me out tho as well. It's a weird thing to think that I can eat and be okay and feel good. I mean I used to feel just fine before anyways so it never bothered me, where as of now I can feel the difference when I do or don't.

Tom kinda thinks I need to go to treatment and I tried to explain why I can't. And I know it sounds like Ed is talking there .. which maybe he is a bit.. but I look at things that as long as I start really seeing things and looking and realizing what is happening will help. As long as I'm honest with myself then I can overcome this. Idk. Maybe I'm wrong. *shrug*

So tomorrow is a .. well another start .. again. I have lots of them. But at least I keep coming back. I might give up for a bit or something but I will never give in. I'll slowly fight.