Camping

This weekend was .. well interesting to say the least.

I am really weak feeling. I don't know if its because of Ed of because I'm coming down with something. I just feel really sick constantly.

I did eat, only problem is twice I involuntary threw up twice. The only thing I can come up with was both times it was a cheeseburger and I also had onions with it. And both times I barely ate any of it but it wasn't even like 30 minutes later that I was puking.

Really find it weird that I'm okay making myself throw up, but when I can't control it it pisses me off and makes me feel even more sick.

I ended up both times just crashing. In the middle of the day just sleeping for hours like it was just crazy. But I guess at least I did get some food inside of me. Some. Most that I've had in quite awhile.

One sandwich I ate, well I didn't eat the whole thing, but I was snacking on it for about 3 hours. Each bite I would take I would want to just vomit so then I would stop. Yet I was starving. So then I would lay down to wake up to take another bite. I hate thinking of things like that. Like why can't I just sit down and have a fricking sandwich.. is it really that bit of a deal!? Apparently but it still pisses me off.

 The worst part right now is that my eyes are yellow. Obviously I know if I just did things 'right' that things wouldn't be so bad at least. It's just getting over myself to get to that point. I was hoping that this weekend would help, yet it really hasn't a whole lot. It has to the point that I'm actually considering eating more. Probably not a whole lot more, but just more.

Like tonight I ate some crackers, only probably is again got sick and puked.

Tom thinks I need to go to the doctors, but I'm pretty much over that. I don't like to give chances. (well I shouldn't say that because someone I know has gotten way TOO many chances, which is another story in its own) but I don't like going to another person to say look at me I'm fucked up. Just not okay with it I guess.

But I guess .. we'll see how this week goes. See how much I'm willing to fight. I really don't know right now tho.