I have fallen. BAD. Everything that I worked for seems to just get shoved out the window .. the worst part is yesterday I couldn't even act out. I gained probably around 5 lbs.. It doesn't take me much to gain. Like just a piece of toast and for some reason it'll be 2 lbs. Tom doesn't get it, I can't explain it. I just know that it was it is.
Right now things are out of my control, and I can't stand it. I am constantly on the go, which then you would think would be easy for me to just not eat, but ya.. find time for that. Idiot! (Me I'm saying)
I don't know how to do this anymore. Everything that I learn or was told was to be selfish. Get yourself better, but how can I do that when I'm constantly having to put my kids and Tom before me... All I do every day is run around. I barely get to sit down and relax. Probably the reason why I'm gaining wight. You'd think with the constant go go I wouldn't gain but ya I do. Pisses me off.
I desperately want to go back in time. I want to be where I was like a year and half ago. It makes me so upset, I cry about it all the time. And I'm alone.. it doesn't seem like anyone gets it.
I just don't know how to be happy, I pray and ask for guidance and maybe I'm not listening good enough. I just know I don't want to be this.. what I am.
